body language - background and history

body language - background and history

Philosophers and scientists have connected human physical behaviour with meaning, mood and personality for thousands of years, but only in living memory has the study of body language become as sophisticated and detailed as it is today.
Body language studies and written works on the subject are very sparse until the mid-1900s.
The first known experts to consider aspects of body language were probably the ancient Greeks, notably Hippocrates and Aristotle, through their interest in human personality and behaviour, and the Romans, notably Cicero, relating gestures to feelings and communications. Much of this early interest was in refining ideas about oration - speech-making - given its significance to leadership and government.

10 ways to build rapport with people

Building rapport and engaging with people-whether it’s in person or online—takes practice. Much of it is based on intuition. It’s about creating a bond, link, connection, and understanding. 

The goal is to connect with others and get them thinking, feeling, reacting, and involved. It doesn’t matter if you’re in sales, own a business, or work for someone else. Rapport building is an art and skill in communication that’s used daily in all of our relationships.
Here are 10 tips to help you get in sync with others and build rapport:

If Politics is Big Business, Then Should Politicians Be Minding Their Manners?

In busi­ness, you should never speak ill of your co-workers, man­agers or com­pe­ti­tion.. You should always do your research on your com­peti­tors and you should under promise and over deliver. By not fol­low­ing these sim­ple rules, you will more than likely not be suc­cess­ful – unless your busi­ness is politics.
Pol­i­tics is big busi­ness and in pol­i­tics all is fair – includ­ing lying. Remem­ber these famous pres­i­den­tial quotes: “Read my lips, no new taxes,” “I did not have sex­ual rela­tions with that woman,” or “We’ll have the nego­ti­a­tions tele­vised on C-SPAN.”
Since pol­i­tics is busi­ness then the Pres­i­dent is like the CEO of Amer­ica and we are the share­hold­ers in the com­pany. As share­hold­ers, shouldn’t we expect our CEO to lead by exam­ple and get us a higher return on our invest­ment – (insert your own econ­omy joke here.)
While the Pres­i­dent was out stump­ing for Martha Coak­ley dur­ing her Mass­a­chu­setts Sen­ate race, he not only embar­rassed him­self but also offended me and count­less other share­hold­ers. Dur­ing a speech, Pres­i­dent Obama said that he did not know the oppo­nent or his record. This is our CEO? How could he go out and sup­port some­one and not know what their oppo­nent stands for or his record? This shows an unac­cept­able lack of prepa­ra­tion and care.
Dur­ing this same speech, Pres­i­dent Obama mocked the oppo­nent, which crossed the line and offended me and count­less oth­ers. It was in response to a cam­paign ad run by the oppo­nent, Scott Brown. His ad fea­tured him dri­ving around in his pickup truck and talk­ing to vot­ers – show­ing off his com­mon man image. Well, the Pres­i­dent said that every­one can run slick ads and every­one can buy a truck.
Mr. Pres­i­dent, I guess you haven’t noticed the econ­omy lately – maybe you’ve been pre­oc­cu­pied with health care. Well, I can­not buy a truck. Between two kids in col­lege, a strug­gling busi­ness and try­ing to keep the roof over our head and food on the table, a truck, new or used, is some­thing my hus­band or I could not qual­ify for. So, no, not any­body can buy a truck and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
The President’s attempt at humor blew up in his face and should have been averted all together. I under­stand that he is doing his best to sup­port his party, but as the Pres­i­dent he should remain impar­tial towards the opponent.
What does this polit­i­cal rant have to do with eti­quette? Every­thing! Since pol­i­tics is big busi­ness and the Pres­i­dent is our CEO, he needs to adhere to the rules of busi­ness eti­quette and he has failed mis­er­ably. He has spo­ken ill of the com­pe­ti­tion. He has been unpre­pared for a speech and he has offended his shareholders.
Before Pres­i­dent Obama makes another speech or his speech­writer, Jon Favreau, writes another speech, I will be more than happy to meet with them and give them and their staff a refresher course.
Jules Hirst is an eti­quette instruc­tor based in Los Ange­les, who believes it is never too late to make a last­ing impres­sion. She teaches classes for chil­dren, teens and adults. She is Pres­i­dent of For A Jul Pro­duc­tions, a wed­ding and event and eti­quette con­sult­ing firm. Learn more at For A Jul Pro­duc­tions. She also is head of Hearts For The City, a non-profit orga­ni­za­tion teach­ing eti­quette and social skills to under­priv­i­leged chil­dren, fos­ter chil­dren and peo­ple re-entering the workforce.

Business Etiquette

State of Rebuk

Effec­tive lead­er­ship usu­ally trans­lates into suc­cess. Start­ing with a clear vision, the leader needs to make this vision known and drive his peo­ple to com­plete the vision. Along the way mis­takes are bound to be made. A good leader can han­dle these sit­u­a­tions and use them to strengthen the team. Humil­i­at­ing a worker in front of all of his col­leagues is the WRONG approach, but one recently used by Pres­i­dent Obama dur­ing his State of the Union speech.
By express­ing his dis­plea­sure with the Supreme Court’s rul­ing in Cit­i­zens United v. Fed­eral Elec­tion Com­mis­sion, Pres­i­dent Obama vio­lated polit­i­cal eti­quette and scolded the jus­tices of the Supreme Court while they sat in front of him. Not only were the jus­tices scolded, but it was done in front of the entire leg­isla­tive branch of the gov­ern­ment and a national tele­vi­sion audience.
The pres­i­dent and the jus­tices do not have the tra­di­tional employer-employee rela­tion­ship because the Con­sti­tu­tion con­tains sep­a­ra­tion of pow­ers safe­guards to pro­tect our demo­c­ra­tic process. How­ever, scold­ing them in such a pub­lic forum while they were in atten­dance was an action of an inef­fec­tive leader. Pres­i­dent Obama does not have to agree with their deci­sion, but he does have to respect it and his arro­gant com­ments clearly show he does not. An effec­tive leader would pull the employee aside and han­dle this sit­u­a­tion qui­etly. Since the pres­i­dent can­not do this, a bet­ter forum for his com­ments would have been a press con­fer­ence where he could have voiced his dis­plea­sure while not embar­rass­ing anyone.
On the other hand, no employee likes to be pub­licly scolded, but when it hap­pens the employee should not attempt to show up their boss. While Pres­i­dent Obama was dis­cussing the deci­sion, Jus­tice Samuel Alito was seen shak­ing his head and mouthing the words “not true.” Once the Supreme Court has ruled on a case, the jus­tices’ work is done and it is up to the peo­ple and the leg­is­la­ture to deal with the rul­ing. Jus­tice Alito also vio­lated polit­i­cal eti­quette by fail­ing to main­tain the aura of impar­tial­ity and under­stand­ing that peo­ple are enti­tled to debate their decisions.
After an ardu­ous first year in office, Pres­i­dent Obama failed to dis­play the qual­i­ties of an effec­tive leader dur­ing his State of the Union speech. As the leader of the United States, Pres­i­dent Obama should know bet­ter and proved it may well be three long years until we can have effec­tive leadership.

Thou Should Respect Thy Co-Worker

Much has been said about the recent Specter-Bachmann show­down. Dur­ing a radio show, Rep. Bach­mann inter­rupted Sen. Specter on numer­ous occa­sions and con­tin­ued to do so after he asked her to stop. This lead to Sen. Specter telling Rep. Bach­mann, “I’m going to treat you like a lady, so act like one.“ Not sur­pris­ingly, the right is say­ing Sen.. Specter was rude and con­de­scend­ing, while the left are say­ing Sen. Specter did noth­ing wrong. 

Sen. Specter was wrong. He degraded Rep. Bach­mann. Men and women are to be treated as equals and this is espe­cially true in busi­ness and pol­i­tics. One col­league should not speak to another col­league in this man­ner. This behav­ior would not be accept­able in the board room, so it is not accept­able in politics.
Peo­ple have said that Sen. Specter did not mean any­thing by this remark and since he is 79 years old, he should be given a pass. Age is no excuse.
Sen. Specter was cor­rect when he com­pared the events that were tran­spir­ing to a tele­vi­sion talk show. These shows have peo­ple talk­ing over one another to get there point across and are a direct reflec­tion on our cur­rent soci­ety. It boils down to a lack of respect. We lack respect for one another. If we could learn to respect one another and let each per­son fin­ish their point before com­ment­ing on it, we would not run into sit­u­a­tions like this.       

Much has been said about the recent Specter-Bachmann show­down. Dur­ing a radio show, Rep. Bach­mann inter­rupted Sen. Specter on numer­ous occa­sions and con­tin­ued to do so after he asked her to stop. This lead to Sen. Specter telling Rep. Bach­mann, “I’m going to treat you like a lady, so act like one.“ Not sur­pris­ingly, the right is say­ing Sen.. Specter was rude and con­de­scend­ing, while the left are say­ing Sen. Specter did noth­ing wrong. 

Sen. Specter was wrong. He degraded Rep. Bach­mann. Men and women are to be treated as equals and this is espe­cially true in busi­ness and pol­i­tics. One col­league should not speak to another col­league in this man­ner. This behav­ior would not be accept­able in the board room, so it is not accept­able in politics.

Peo­ple have said that Sen. Specter did not mean any­thing by this remark and since he is 79 years old, he should be given a pass. Age is no excuse.

Sen. Specter was cor­rect when he com­pared the events that were tran­spir­ing to a tele­vi­sion talk show. These shows have peo­ple talk­ing over one another to get there point across and are a direct reflec­tion on our cur­rent soci­ety. It boils down to a lack of respect. We lack respect for one another. If we could learn to respect one another and let each per­son fin­ish their point before com­ment­ing on it, we would not run into sit­u­a­tions like this.     Â

Get What You Want in Business

You say more than you know without even thinking about it. What you say is actually interpreted three ways: what you say, how you say it, and your body language. Body language accounts for about 90% of the message you are sending, and a first impression is made in the first 10 seconds. This makes nonverbal communication extremely important.
In business, you can learn to use body language to your advantage. Understanding what messages you are sending and learning to read the messages sent back to you can change the whole dynamic of a business relationship. It is important to note, however, that body language is complex, and some gestures can have multiple meanings. Learning just a few aspects of nonverbal communication can take you a long way in developing successful business relationships.

POSTURE

The way you stand speaks volumes about you. Slouching can indicate low self-esteem and unease. Standing straight, with your body weight balanced on easy leg projects a positive message. It shows that you are confident and interested. However, some people tend to tense up when standing straight. Be sure that you are not holding tension in your muscles, clenching your jaw, lock your joints, or stand "at attention." This can give the impression that you are nervous and anxious. It's ok to be nervous, you just don't want to show it.

Your arms should be at your sides and relaxed. Keep your hands out of your pockets. This tells people that you are hiding something. Avoid clenching your fists, which shows aggression and tension. Your hands should be open, with your palms visible. This signifies that you are trustworthy, a valuable trait in business people.

Also, avoid crossing your arms or folding them across your chest. This may be a comfortable position for you, but it tells your listener that you are bored with them and you are closed off. It can also signal that you are not in agreement with them.

EYE CONTACT

Making direct eye contact upon first meeting someone is crucial for a good impression. This is another sign of confidence, and can also show honesty. You should maintain eye contact at least 50-60% of the time. However, there is too much of a good thing. Don't glare at them. Continually staring at a person will tend to make them uncomfortable, and it is often mistaken for aggression. It can also make them think you are just weird.

When not making direct eye contact, avoid looking down or having your eyes shift from side to side. Looking down shows insecurity, while shifty eyes indicate nervousness and dishonesty. Looking left is believed to show honesty, while looking right shows dishonesty.

Blinking is another aspect of eye contact to consider. Often, people blink frequently when they are nervous, anxious, or lying. Make a conscious effort to slow down your blinking in stressful situations. Since this is an action we generally aren't aware that we do, it may be helpful to practice this in advance when preparing for a meeting or event.

HANDSHAKES

This is a common custom in the United States. The saying is very true - you can learn a lot about someone form their handshake. It is a decent indicator of what type of person you are dealing with. A good handshake should be firm, and somewhat equal to the pressure the other person is giving, to indicate equality. A crushing handshake shows that you are trying to dominate. A "dead fish" handshake using a limp, clammy hand shows that you are insecure. Try to find an even medium.

**Some people naturally have a problem with sweaty palms, whether they are nervous or not. If you have this problem, try using antiperspirant creams or sprays to help control the dampness. Just be sure they are the invisible kind or you may leave a lasting impression for the wrong reasons.

GESTURES

Gestures, such as waving or nodding, can mean different things in different cultures. If you are dealing with clients or associates from other countries, be sure to do your research before using common American gestures. Pointing, for example, is considered rude in the Middle and Far East. Giving the "O

25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid

Practice avoiding these 25 negative gestures:

I speak two languages, Body and English.

- Mae West

Holding Objects in Front of Your Body – a coffee cup, notebook, hand bag, etc.  Holding objects in front of your body indicates shyness and resistance, such that you’re hiding behind the objects in an effort to separate yourself from others.  Instead of carrying objects in front of you, carry them at your side whenever possible.

Checking the Time or Inspecting Your Fingernails – a strong sign of boredom.  Never glance at the time when you’re speaking with someone.  Likewise, completely avoid the act of inspecting your fingernails.

Picking Lint Off of Your Clothes – If you pick lint off of your clothes during a conversation, especially in conjunction with looking downwards, most people will assume that you disapprove of their ideas and/or feel uneasy about giving them an honest opinion.  Leave the lint alone!

Stroking Your Chin While Looking at Someone – “I’m judging you!”  People frequently stroke their chin during the decision-making process.  If you look at someone while you’re stroking your chin, they may assume that you’re making a judgmental decision about them.

Narrowing Your Eyes – If you want to give someone the impression that you don’t like them (or their ideas), narrow your eyes while looking at them.  It immediately places a scowling expression on your face.  A slight narrowing of the eyes is an instinctual, universal expression of anger across various species in the animal kingdom (think about the angry expressions of tigers, dogs, etc.).  Some people make the mistake of narrowing their eyes during a conversation as a reflex of thinking.  Don’t send people the wrong message… don’t narrow your eyes.

Standing Too Close – This just makes people feel uncomfortable.  Most people consider the 4 square feet of space immediately surrounding their body to be personal space.  Cross this invisible boundary with good friends and intimate mates only.

Looking Down While in the Presence of Others – usually indicates disinterest.  Sometimes it’s even interpreted as a casual sign of arrogance.  Always look straight ahead and make eye contact when you see someone you know.

Touching Your Face During a Conversation – Face touching, especially on the nose, is commonly interpreted as an indication of deception.  Also, covering up the mouth is a common gesture people make when they’re lying.  Always keep your hands away from your face when you’re speaking.

Faking a Smile – another sign of deception commonly seen on the face of a fraud.  A genuine smile wrinkles the corners of the eyes and changes the expression of the entire face.  Fake smiles only involve the mouth and lips.  It’s easy to distinguish between the two.  Don’t force yourself to smile… unless it’s for the camera.

Leaning Away From Someone You Like – a sign of being bored and disinterested.  Some people may also interpret it to mean: “I don’t like you.”  People typically lean towards people they like and away from people they dislike.  This is especially true when they are sitting around a table.  If you lean away from someone you like, you’re sending them the wrong message.

Resting Hands Behind the Head or on the Hips – usually interpreted as a sign of superiority or bigheadedness.  Only use these gestures when you’re in the presence of close friends.

Not Directly Facing the Person You’re Speaking To – This indicates a certain level of discomfort or a lack of interest.  When we’re happily engaged in a conversation we face the person we’re speaking to with our feet and torso facing directly forward.  When we’re unsure of the other person, or not completely committed to the conversation, we tend to angle our feet and torso to the side.  Face directly forward during a conversation to give off the impression that you’re truly interested in what the other person is saying.

Crossing Your Arms – a sign of defensive resistance.  Some people may also interpret it as a sign of egotism.  Always try to keep your arms open and at your sides.

what is BODY LANGUAGE ?

Body language is a term for communication using body movements or gestures instead of, or in addition to, sounds, verbal language or other communication. It forms part of the category ofparalanguage, which describes all forms of human communication that are not verbal language. This includes the most subtle of movements that many people are not aware of, including winkingand slight movement of the eyebrows. In addition, body language can also incorporate the use offacial expressions.

One of the most basic and powerful body-language signals is when a person crosses his or her arms across the chest. This can indicate that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. It can also indicate that the person's arms are cold which would be clarified by rubbing the arms or huddling. When the overall situation is friendly, it can mean that a person is thinking deeply about what is being discussed. But in a serious or confrontational situation, it can mean that a person is expressing opposition. This is especially so if the person is leaning away from the speaker. A harsh or blank facial expression often indicates outright unfriendliness.
Consistent eye contact can indicate that a person is thinking positively of what the speaker is saying. It can also mean that the other person doesn't trust the speaker enough to "take his eyes off" the speaker. Lack of eye contact can indicate negativity. On the other hand, individuals with anxiety are often unable to make eye contact without discomfort. Eye contact is often a secondary and misleading gesture because we are taught from an early age to make eye contact when speaking. If a person is looking at you but is making the arms-across-chest signal, the eye contact could be indicative that something is bothering the person, and that he wants to talk about it. Or if while making direct eye contact a person is fiddling with something, even while directly looking at you, it could indicate the attention is elsewhere.
Disbelief is often indicated by averted gaze, or by touching the ear or scratching the chin. So is eyestrain, or itchiness. When a person is not being convinced by what someone is saying, the attention invariably wanders, and the eyes will stare away for an extended period.
Boredom is indicated by the head tilting to one side, or by the eyes looking straight at the speaker but becoming slightly unfocused. A head tilt may also indicate a sore neck, and unfocused eyes may indicate ocular problems in the listener.
Interest can be indicated through posture or extended eye contact.
In BM English speaking Course each participant has to do Public speaking practise 20 times on various topics and a professional trainer corrects Grammar, pronunciation, Body Language, trains him/her to speak fluently with confidence.

How many of you have made your mind up about a speaker’s message without concerning yourself about the words, purely by observation and your intuition. And this is going on right now somewhere in the world. A business speaker has a good message but it’s being clouded by the way its presented. The purpose of this article is to remind you, convince you of some key steps to take to ensure your body doesn't cloud the message next time you get up a speak.

The Head

As adults, we still have childish habits and one of them is to focus on the face of someone who is speaking to you. So get those expressions working for you and really exaggerate the meaning. Smile, frown, look angry, shocked, amazed – but please always be congruent with your message.

Eye Contact

Next we have eye contact. This is probably the one skill, when mastered, that does the most to engage the audience and build trust and rapport with the audience. The rule is to hardly ever let go. Imagine you’re playing tennis or squash. You never let your eye off the ball otherwise you’ll miss a shot. Like wise, keep your eye contact on the audience at all times.

Careful with the lighthouse technique as well – this is where speakers sweep the audience in a repetitive swishing motion that does

Important of eye contact

Nonverbal Communication: The Importance of Eye Contact

Eye contact is normal. Eye contact is natural. Eye contact is healthy. Infants instinctually have a strong desire to gaze into others’ eyes. Yet, why is it that so many adults with fairly good interpersonal communication skills have long since “unlearned” this fundamental and indispensable nonverbal behavior?
In the science of nonverbal communication, the most crucial portion of the body is the face. And the most important part of the face are the eyes- the eyelids, the eyebrows and the regions around the eyes.

 

Image courtesy of litratcher's Flickr photostream.

When it comes to body language, people often ask, “Does good eye contact mean I have to look the other person directly in the eye all the time?” (or some variation of it). The short answer is definitely “NO.” Here’s the long answer: If you stare directly into one eye of a person- or switch back and forth between her/his eyes, it quickly becomes too psychologically intense. It is almost always interpreted (depending on the other signals and the context) as predatory behavior, anger, sexual attraction or deception. If you’re participating in healthy conversation (and not experiencing the above emotions), “eye contact” is effectively defined as looking semi-randomly in an area whose borders surround the eyes by about two centimeters. This would be between 30 and 70 percent of the time. Although they’re not in this “eye contact ellipse” (ECE), it’s important not to stare at the forehead (lest you intimidate) or at the mouth (as this will send signals of sexual interest). The reason that I said “semi-randomly” is that you should briefly fixate on one of the person’s eyes. You should then quickly (and very briefly) fixate on some other portion of the person’s face within (and sometimes outside) of the ECE. You should then return to the same or opposite eye (Remember, it is important to NOT gaze within the ECE the balance of the time). These rapid eye movements or saccades, occur naturally and subconsciously during healthy conversation. They also occur other times such as during reading, thinking, etc. Staring occurs when eye movements and blinking are greatly diminished or absent. We are not aware of these patterns of eyelid movements the vast majority of the time – although sometimes they occur at the edge of consciousness. There are occasions though for different reasons that these do become conscious acts. With rare exception, a person should never fixate on one area too long (two seconds is a good limit) or too intensely (with lacking blinking or eye movements).
Defining “eye contact” as sometimes not looking directly into someone’s eyes, but close to them – may seem somewhat counterintuitive. But this is what we do during healthy conversation. Generally the speaker has a natural decrease of this “eye contact” – closer to 30 percent; the listener, on the other hand, experiences an eye contact crescendo – closer to 70 percent, most of the time. If we want to build and engender rapport, we need to be aware of and avoid this tendency to decrease eye contact when our role changes to speaker.
As I noted earlier, when a person tells a lie, her/his eye contact will often increase to what most people consider “staring”. This is a great example of an overcompensating behavior. It is also true that the opposite may occur– a dramatic drop-off of eye contact during lying. It is important to compare the amount and pattern of eye contact in dynamic context – contrasting the times before and after the suspected moments of deception. If a lie is suspected, the specific subject matter should be revisited. Using the Socratic Method and noting whether similar patterns of nonverbal behavior are displayed will help in validating or refuting deception. This is only one of many nonverbal techniques used in detecting deception.
Although an example of an exception, in certain cultures a lack of eye contact is considered a sign of respect. Yet in many countries, very little or no eye contact during an encounter, is a signal of extreme disrespect. Sometimes, it is an effort to avoid an escalation of negative emotions.
Another example where eye contact is very crucial, yet under delivered, is during a handshake. It’s amazing how many “professionals” lack this important component of the greeting. A helpful technique is to observe the color of the other person’s eyes (irises) during the handshake. And while noting this, repeat a positive and sincere mantra, silently to yourself. This may sound trite or mawkish, but it works. I’ve been practicing this since I’ve been a teenager. Doing so has the ability to bring you closer and to build true rapport during the critical and vastly underappreciated few seconds of a handshake/greeting.
Very few of us are aware of just how important the eyes are when it comes to smiling. One requirement for a smile to be sincere is there must be a dynamic and momentary partial closure of the eyelids. But it is mainly a secondary, passive closing. Without a partial eyelid closure the smile is insincere – no exceptions. This does not mean the person as a whole is insincere – merely in that moment, regardless of what the mouth looks like or what words are being spoken – they are “pushing out” what is known as a “Social Smile”. They are acting happy (or happier) than their true emotions – in that moment.
Since the eyes are the only part of your central nervous system that make contact with the outside of your body – the old adage of “The eyes are the windows to the soul” has basis in medical fact. The practice and study of eye contact is just one aspect of the immense nonverbal value of this most precious and mysterious organ. Ignore it at your own risk.

 

A Guide To Understand and Use Body Language for Success

The body is a mysterious temple that relates messages to people. The body movements often

come from the hands, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, chest,

arms, shoulders, and so forth. The body

languages are

conveyed and interpreted, yet cultures, personality and other elements play a key

role in the signals conveyed. If you are out to learn body languages, how to use these languages

to gain success and how to read the signals then you are reading the right r

eport. We are on

track with many of the body languages conveyed today, yet as the writer I will bring out key points

that are often missed, including brain functions and how they affect the body’s movements. The

body can send positive or negative languages

, thus read up if you are ready to move toward

success. Starting with the art of listening through one’s eye we will move forward. 

Body Language and the Art of Listening through one’s eyes:

Magic of Movements

It’s no myth that those who understand body language better excel in their workplace and in their

social circle because they know when to make the right moves. Managers, salespersons,

teachers and many more use it in their everyday life to their advantage.

Let me discuss a particular case of a meeting between the company executives and the worker

union’s leaders over increasing certain benefits for the employees. During the meeting one of the

executives passed a message that they should not give into any

more demands of the union

leaders apart from what had already been accepted in the meeting till then. While the union

leaders kept on pressing for the remaining demands, they eventually gave up after ten minutes.

Was it just some experience that told him t

o take such a decision? No, it was his knowledge of

body language that helped him and his company to come out of the meeting on fair terms.

So what did he see there? The manager saw that one of the main leaders of the worker’s union

gave signs of willingn

ess to reach to an agreement by unbuttoning his coat. Unbuttoning coat

buttons during a meeting are signals of openness and friendliness. Of course the manger not only

got accolades from his seniors but also a raise.

The way we speak and what we speak for

ms a very small portion of our dialogue. Majority of the

conversation can be understood through a person’s body language. An experienced salesperson

always looks into the eyes of his customer to see his pupils. If the pupils are dilated then it means

that

the customer is interested in the product and that it is the right time to strike.

One of the best ways of understanding the feelings of group as a whole is by observing the

gestures and expressions of all the members of the group. If the majority of the

members do not

have the same expressions then it can be very safely assumed that the thought of the entire

group is not the same and of just of a handful of individuals. This way many managers have

prevented themselves from giving into the unjust demands o

f the subordinates.

During a meeting or training program or a presentation you can very easily make out if a person

is listening to you or not. If the left hand is kept on right hand and the palms facing down then it’s

a clear cut signal that the listener

is interested in whatever you are saying. On the other hand if

the right one covers the left one then it’s a signal of disagreement or that the listener wants to

raise a point opposing yours. If a person is sitting with his arms and legs crossed and gazin

g

continuously at you without flickering his eyes then it means that the person is least interested in

what you are talking about. If a listener nods his head then it means that he is interested and is

encouraging you. On the other hand if he nods his head

rapidly then it means that he wants you

to finish quickly. If the listener narrows down his eyes occasionally or strokes his chin or pulls his

beard gently then it’s a sign of evaluation and that the listener is about to make a decision.

However, all sai

d and done, one must be wise enough to read the overall signals and not come to

any conclusion based on just any one gesture. It is the art of understanding the unspoken words

that has given an edge to those who have excelled in their respective profession

s over others

who believed the word of mouth. Let’s look into body languages and the magic movements.

Body Language and the Magic Movements

How to read body languages

How to read body languages depends on the person and how you perceive things i

n life. If you

are searching for a specific meaning, then likely you will see this meaning in the way the body

moves. Yet if you want the facts, thus you will search deeper into the person to see what you

come up with.

There are many types of body langua

ges conveyed everyday. No matter where you look you can

see a person’s body move as they speak, move, sit, stand, lie down and so forth. If a person is

lying down with his hand backwards on his forehead, likely he is either dreaming or thinking about

somet

hing he always wanted to know or see.

At what time you see a person staring off into the distant air and nothing is in view, the person

may be daydreaming or else visualizing the scenery around him. What is it you want to see?

Body languages are either

verbal or not. If the body is in a position you can determine by glance

an overall view of what the person may be feeling. Body languages express feelings, thoughts

and emotions, yet the words are the enforcers. The body languages are the backers.

What

are body languages? How can you read the languages spoken from the body? If you see a

child out in the yard walking with his head down and seem to be wandering nowhere, he is

probably lonely and wants someone to play with him. This is a sign of attention s

eeker.

A person that laughs a lot even if the situation is funny or not may be seeking attention, deranged

in the mind, or what have you. The person is probably deranged in the mind if he or she laughs

while someone is telling a bone chilling story about

someone getting hurt in the picture.

It depends on what you are seeing and what you want to see, but some people believe that if a

person is rubbing his eyes it is a sign of disbelief or the person is in doubt. If a person is rubbing

their eyes I am goi

ng to ask if they have something in their eyes or if they suffer hay fever. If the

person responds then I know what the person is feeling, since he told me in his own words what

is going on. I am not going to jump to any conclusions as to what his body is

expressing.

Some people believe if a person clasps the hands behind the back that the person is angry,

apprehensive or frustrated. I seen many people act out in this gesture and they were relaxing, or

getting in a position that made them feel comfortable

.

Yet other people may see a person rest his hands on the head and look down with the eyes, and

think he is bored. I’ve seen this gesture many times and knew that the person was thinking hard,

resting, or else considering what the other person was saying

.

Most people may feel if you are not looking a person in the eyes while speaking that the person is

ignoring you, bored with your conversation and the like. The truth is people often listen and hear

better while handling other tasks and communicating. I

won’t spend all my time looking someone

in the eyes as I speak, simply because I have other tasks on my agenda, thus I can still hear what

they are saying as they speak. Of course at an interview I would look the person in the eyes. Oh,

the body language

and the magic of it all!

Talking to Yourself .....power of mind....!

What’s the Big Idea?

Start talking to yourself to increase the performance and function of your brain. It is crazy not to talk to yourself because you would miss out on the benefits that come with self-talk. The key is to practice doing it until it becomes natural. You can use specific “cue words” in your self-talk to help you in whatever goal or task you would like to complete. Eventually, you will learn how to self-talk in a way that benefits you the most in every situation.


                   Benefits of Talking to Yourself

Think again about that time you lost your keys and started talking to yourself. Have you ever wondered why people mutter to themselves when trying to find something? According to psychologists Gary Lupyan of the University of Wisconsin Madison and Daniel Swingley of the University of Pennsylvania, talking to yourself while trying to locate something may actually help you locate it faster. To support this claim, Lupyan and Swingley published the results from an experiment they conducted in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology. In the experiment, Lupyan and Swingly showed participants twenty pictures of various objects. The participants were later asked to find one of the pictures among the others. Some participants were instructed to remain silent while they searched and others were instructed to repeat the name of the thing they were looking for out loud to themselves. When the experiment concluded, Lupyan and Swingley had data that supported the idea that the participants who spoke aloud as they searched through the pictures found their objects faster. A follow up experiment was done later where participants were asked to look for things in a grocery store. As before, some were silent as they searched and others were instructed to say what they were looking for aloud. The results of the follow up came to the same conclusion as the first experiment: the people who said what they were looking for aloud to themselves found it faster.
Focus
With research such as this being done, the growing belief is that talking to yourself is very good for your attention span and focus; that it can allow you to focus on something and better ignore distractions, which is probably why muttering as you’re trying to find something helps you find it fast. Talking to yourself can also be used as a tool to learn and memorize material. Anyone who has ever needed to give a presentation or speech will tell you that talking to themselves or rehearsing what they’d like to say is a great way for them to organize their thoughts. And considering how some people learn better auditorily, muttering everything they need to learn out loud is probably the best thing for them to do. But another benefit people are slowly noticing about self talk, is that at times, it seems to be therapeutic.

Lower Stress
At Nottingham Trent University, a poll was taken among research subjects. The poll revealed that most of these subjects felt that it was legitimate to speak to others, but not to themselves. However, when these same subjects were asked to try talking to themselves, it seemed that their stress levels noticeably decreased. According to another study, athletes giving themselves motivational talks before an event lowered their anxiety and increased their confidence and performance in their event.

How can this happen? Well, talking to yourself in a positive way seems to be able to get people “psyched-up” about something which is why it could have an effect on athletes or anyone else about to do something requiring effort. It would also seem that when people take the time to say what they’re really thinking or feeling aloud to themselves, it has a similar effect to journaling; you’re able to vent any strong emotions and let out what you really think. Anyone who has kept a journal will tell you that they often feel good after writing something down. The same thing happens when you talk to yourself; you become an audible journal and suddenly you’re able to speak your mind. And when you’re feeling stressed out, sometimes a little pacing and a little pep talk or muttering is all you need to calm yourself down. Taking the time to vent out a stressful feeling or thought can tremendously help you to calm down. This is why a common sight at a job interview might be someone muttering to themselves and telling themselves to stay calm and that they’ll be all right.

Of course, speaking your mind to other people is good too but what if you’re shy or introverted? You have thoughts that still have to be said but what do you do if you’

How to Use the Right Interview Body Language

1
Sit properly. Sit upright but in a relaxed fashion leaning slightly forward at about a 10 to 15 degree angle towards the interviewer. This sends the message that you are an interested and involved candidate.


2
Be aware of your hands. The best thing to do with your hands is to rest them loosely clasped in your lap or on the table, if there is one. Fiddling with hair, face or neck sends the message of anxiety and uncertainty. Body language experts agree that touching the nose, lips or ears can signal that the candidate is lying.


3
Don't cross your arms. Folding arms across the chest suggests a defensive type of position. It sends the message that the candidate is feeling threatened and ill-at-ease and is shutting the interviewer out. It can also send the message that the candidate does not agree with or buy into what the interviewer is saying.


4
Place both feet on the floor. Crossing feet at the ankles or placing them both flat on the floor sends a message of confidence and professionalism. Jiggling or moving the legs creates an irritating distraction and indicates nervousness. Resting an ankle on the opposite knee looks arrogant and too casual, crossing the legs high up appears defensive.


5
Maintain direct eye contact. Keeping direct eye contact with the interviewer indicates active listening and interest. Eyes that dart around suggest dishonesty. Looking down gives the impression of low self-esteem.


6
Be conscious of mouth movements. Pursing the lips or twisting them sideways shows disapproval of what is being heard. Biting your lips suggests nervousness. Try to relax your mouth.


7
Position your head. Keeping your head straight looks self-assured and authoritative, it sends the message that you should be taken seriously. For a more friendly and relaxed look tilt your head slightly to one side. Nod your head every now and then to show you are listening closely.



Tips
Don't overdo direct eye contact; too much contact without breaks can make the other person extremely uncomfortable and can be suggestive that you are domineering.

Concept behind body language

It is interesting to note that a vast majority of us communicate several messages without using speech quite often. In fact, one theory on the origin of language is called the “Gesture theory”, which tries to establish that speech originated from gestures. Someone has aptly said that communication oozes out through one’s finger tips. Though this may appear to be an exaggerated statement, it is truth. Do we not nod our heads to show approval or shake our heads to indicate disapproval. When you are offered a cup of coffee you not only say: ‘No, Thank you’, but, also shake your head or cross your hands. When someone attempts to touch you for a penny, you indicate your denial through words as well as shaking your palm. When someone is in difficulty, he wrings (twists) his hands in frustration. The study of body movements is also known as Kinesis. Body language is so important that a description of it has entered our spoken language. You say that some one blinked to mean that he was confused, someone was bleary eyed to mean that he was not focusing and some one kept his fingers crossed to mean that he was eagerly anticipating and so on and so forth. Our language itself has several such expressions recognising body language. Communication experts point out that only a small percentage of communication is verbal whereas a large percentage is through body language. The following features of one’s bearing or demeanour (way of behaving) is part and parcel of communication.

Important features of Body Language

Posture

The way a person stands or sits is his posture. It is good to adopt a flexible erect posture rather than a stiff or slouching posture. An erect posture reveals confidence and poise. Drooping shoulders, sagging in the seat, etc., reveal a feeling of depression and lack of interest.

Head motion

In oral communication, the movement of the head plays an important role. No one is expected to keep on shaking his head, but appropriate nods and shakes of the head enhance the level of communication.

Facial Expression

Face is the index of the mind. We say, ‘she put on a long face’ to mean that she was not in the best of her moods. However much one tries, his hidden feeling of anger, fear, confusion, uncertainty, enthusiasm and joy will get revealed by the facial expression. Sometimes, the words that you utter may be contradicted by your facial expression. A teacher might ask the student if he understood the idea, but he should not wait for an answer. A lack-lustre bewildered facial expression would reveal that the student has not grasped anything.

Eye Contact

In an oral communication context, the speaker and listener should not only face each other but also maintain correct eye contact. If someone avoids direct eye contact, he is suspected to be sly or cunning. In eastern countries, subordinates or younger people may avoid direct eye contact out of respect or deference, but it will be misunderstood in an international context. The Tamil poet Subramanya Bharathi has praised upright bearing and straight eye contact.

Gestures

Movement of hands and fingers enhance communication. But, gestures are culture specific. A clenched fist may mean emphasis for an American but disrespect for an Indian. A thumbs up sign, a movement of the index finger communicate messages effectively. Continuous gestures should be avoided. Non-verbal communication in short, adds, subtracts and amends our message. In an oral communication context, all the above features of body language play an important role. If you expect to communicate in a relaxed atmosphere, you have to kill and destroy the stiffness with appropriate components of body language. Though gestures are culture specific some of them have become universal cutting across cultural boundaries. They have become emblematic. I iach sign is almost an “emblem” for a particular message. A “V” sign with index linger and central finger stands for victory. A thumbs up sign stands for hitch­hiking. A wave of the arm is for a ‘hello’ or a good-bye. Emblems directly stand for a verbal message. Certai

Concept behind body language

It is interesting to note that a vast majority of us communicate several messages without using speech quite often. In fact, one theory on the origin of language is called the “Gesture theory”, which tries to establish that speech originated from gestures. Someone has aptly said that communication oozes out through one’s finger tips. Though this may appear to be an exaggerated statement, it is truth. Do we not nod our heads to show approval or shake our heads to indicate disapproval. When you are offered a cup of coffee you not only say: ‘No, Thank you’, but, also shake your head or cross your hands. When someone attempts to touch you for a penny, you indicate your denial through words as well as shaking your palm. When someone is in difficulty, he wrings (twists) his hands in frustration. The study of body movements is also known as Kinesis. Body language is so important that a description of it has entered our spoken language. You say that some one blinked to mean that he was confused, someone was bleary eyed to mean that he was not focusing and some one kept his fingers crossed to mean that he was eagerly anticipating and so on and so forth. Our language itself has several such expressions recognising body language. Communication experts point out that only a small percentage of communication is verbal whereas a large percentage is through body language. The following features of one’s bearing or demeanour (way of behaving) is part and parcel of communication.

Important features of Body Language

Posture

The way a person stands or sits is his posture. It is good to adopt a flexible erect posture rather than a stiff or slouching posture. An erect posture reveals confidence and poise. Drooping shoulders, sagging in the seat, etc., reveal a feeling of depression and lack of interest.

Head motion

In oral communication, the movement of the head plays an important role. No one is expected to keep on shaking his head, but appropriate nods and shakes of the head enhance the level of communication.

Facial Expression

Face is the index of the mind. We say, ‘she put on a long face’ to mean that she was not in the best of her moods. However much one tries, his hidden feeling of anger, fear, confusion, uncertainty, enthusiasm and joy will get revealed by the facial expression. Sometimes, the words that you utter may be contradicted by your facial expression. A teacher might ask the student if he understood the idea, but he should not wait for an answer. A lack-lustre bewildered facial expression would reveal that the student has not grasped anything.

Eye Contact

In an oral communication context, the speaker and listener should not only face each other but also maintain correct eye contact. If someone avoids direct eye contact, he is suspected to be sly or cunning. In eastern countries, subordinates or younger people may avoid direct eye contact out of respect or deference, but it will be misunderstood in an international context. The Tamil poet Subramanya Bharathi has praised upright bearing and straight eye contact.

Gestures

Movement of hands and fingers enhance communication. But, gestures are culture specific. A clenched fist may mean emphasis for an American but disrespect for an Indian. A thumbs up sign, a movement of the index finger communicate messages effectively. Continuous gestures should be avoided. Non-verbal communication in short, adds, subtracts and amends our message. In an oral communication context, all the above features of body language play an important role. If you expect to communicate in a relaxed atmosphere, you have to kill and destroy the stiffness with appropriate components of body language. Though gestures are culture specific some of them have become universal cutting across cultural boundaries. They have become emblematic. I iach sign is almost an “emblem” for a particular message. A “V” sign with index linger and central finger stands for victory. A thumbs up sign stands for hitch­hiking. A wave of the arm is for a ‘hello’ or a good-bye. Emblems directly stand for a verbal message. Certai

Woman of Your Dreams

This is the best advice I have encountered on how to attract the right girl: You must become the type of person you want to attract. And for Christians, this means allowing God significant access to your deepest character flaws, scars, and insecurities, that he can begin changing you. He can do this if you are willing to be intentional about drawing near to him in prayer, meditation, the reading of his word, and the seeking of good counsel. It is not an overnight formula, but if you commit yourself to this process, you will put yourself in position to draw in a person who is loyal, trustworthy, and most of all, righteous.  He desires for each of us to heal from our wounds so we can become balanced, confident, and secure.  In so doing, He can change not only the type people you attract, but the type of people you are attracted to.
David eventually met the right girl and got married. He is finally in a healthy, God-centered relationship. But he didn’t find the right girl until he took time to first focus on his own healing process.
The drama and difficulty with relationships you have experienced in the past can be used for a purpose: To reveal to you how God wants to change you to be more like him.  To start the process, begin with this prayer: God, reveal to me the areas I need healing and growth so I can be more like you. Help me to be the person of character you want me to be. Help me to attract and be attracted to someone who values you above all else.
She is out there. Now, you must allow God to prepare you for her.
This is an excerpt from The Tin Soldiers: Become Who You Are Meant to Be.  It’s an essay/devotional for guys who are looking for new direction, purpose, and hope.  It’s also for women who have guys who have birthdays.  It’s also for people who like to laugh and hear a good story amidst their daily spiritual reading.  It’s also for guys who don’t read (much).

The Secrets and Tips In Body Language

Through body language, you can impress other people, detect lying, and even know if somebody is flirting with you. This article discusses what gestures are usually used in certain situation and body gestures and movements that you must avoid.

How To Be Impressive

You can impress you boss, an interviewer, co-worker, and other people by simply showing that you are confident through your actions, such as handshakes, posture, proper use of eye contact, and hand movements.

When shaking hands, make sure it is firm and your palm will come in contact with the palm of the other person. Make an eye contact for about two to three seconds and smile slightly. Maintain a good posture. When standing up, refrain from putting your hands in your pocket or crossing your arms. Meanwhile, when you are sitting down, down sit near the edge with your back tensely straight. This indicates that you are very nervous. Do not slouch as well. Simply relax into the chair without tightening your back muscles.

When conversing, maintain eye contact to make an impression that you are indeed interested and attentive to what the person is saying. If you are hesitant to prolong eye contact, the trick is to simply look on the bridge of the nose of the person. You may use hand movements when talking. The person you are talking to will think that you really know what you are talking about.

How You Can Detect Lying

A person lying is easy to determine through his eyes. When he cannot look straight into your eyes or is frequently removing his eyes from you, it means that he is being dishonest and may be hiding something. He would also tend to touch himself unconsciously. He would scratch his forehead, cover the mouth, or rub the nose. These are signs of discomfort due to the situation of lying.

Other signs indicative of lying are sweating, fidgeting, trembling, speech errors, body stiffness, and the like. However, people nowadays are already oriented that they will be caught lying when they cannot prolong eye contact; thus they try to maintain calm and prolong eye contact to cover up their lies.

Is She Or He Flirting?

The eyes can always send a signal of attraction. Intense, prolonged eye contact is one flirting signal, as well as the three-step eye contact. When one caught the eye of the other, he looks away, and then back again, it is a sure sign of attraction. Another common flirting signal that both men and women observe is smiling and preening.

Men flirt by showing their masculinity by standing tall and squaring their shoulders. Meanwhile, women loves to tease by tossing their hair, licking their lips, and showing some bare skin.

Acts Of Body Language You Must Avoid

These are negative signs that you should start avoiding when interacting with somebody: looking at the watch or clock and fingernails, crossing the arms, putting the hands in the pocket, holding objects in front of you, stroking the chin, squinting, forcing a smile, placing hands on the waist, rubbing the nape, slouching, tapping the foot, and the like.

Body language can truly send signals of emotions and state of mind. One needs only to learn how to understand how one acts in order to determine what is really going on in the mind of that person. That is the art of learning the secrets behind body language.